My Beloved Son

I mentioned in my testimony that earlier in my life I struggled with five years of infertility. Finally I became pregnant. My feet did not touch the ground the entire time I was pregnant. I felt like the most special, blessed woman in the world. Seven and one half months later our Samuel (meaning, asked of God) was born. The minute I saw my little smurf I fell in love.  Samuel was a much celebrated child. He was the first grandchild in our family and so many had prayed for his arrival over the years. I loved everything about being Samuels moms. I dressed him up, played with him, prayed over him, sang to him and read to him. I taught him right from wrong. I was Samuels Mom. How many times did I say to a doctors office, a school or another parent, “Hello, this Samuels Mom. “ I delighted in Sam for many years. As he grew I began to like and respect him as a person, he seemed so wise.

His father left me when Sam was four and it became me and Sam against the world.

When Sam was fifteen a deep depression struck him. Within a year after that he got into drugs. My Brian and I did EVERYTHING in our power to save him from this escalating decline. Nothing worked. I now became Samuels Mom to the police department, probation, rehab centers and hospitals, but with no less commitment.

Fast forward fifteen years to this week. My Samuel is a broken man. He has lost his wife and two sons. The loss, the grief and regrets seem to be more than he can bear. He broke down and wept until I thought his heart would break. I have to be strong and encouraging. I find myself saying to him, “where there is life there is hope.” In that moment it was so clear to me that my hope is not in Sam, my hope is in the Lord. Sam knows and loves the Lord. This week Sam entered a two year rehab program. Some may say what a loser, I say what a preserver!

 

 

Copyright © Crying & Laughing