Caring For Loved Ones

The Lord has chosen me to watch over two of the finest men I know. In the old Jewish culture two or three witness were required for something to be true, I would have no problem getting a line of people to testify to the character of my father Jerry and my husband Brian. I consider myself an unlikely caregiver. It’s not that I haven’t been caring in my life, but for the most part I was able to do it on MY Time. That has been one of the biggest challenges for me as a caregiver; their needs don’t happen on my time. OK enough about me I want to introduce you to my guys.

Jerry My Dad

I have always been proud of my dad. He is the kind of man that others strive to be like. Everyone loves and looks up to Jerry. I found a poem I wrote about him in 1998; I will let that be his introduction to you.

W W D D

What Would Dad Do

He would pay the policeman’s check sitting alone at the counter…
He would tell the waitress she gave him too much change…
He would genuinely like everyone and treat them all the same…
He would be broken hearted when his children sinned, but forgiveness and grace always followed…
He would discipline his children with love…
He would delight in his their smallest victories…
He would raise his children to know there was no offence that could change his love…
He would honor his mother and father and cherish the bride of his youth…
I didn’t always know what Jesus would do, but I did know what Dad would do…
It’s no wonder trusting my Heavenly Father came natural.

Brian My Husband

Brian and I married in 1992, I was 37, and he was 40. We each had one son. We dated on and off for two years. Brian was one of those, fear of commitment guys. After some time apart he finally gave in to the fact that he couldn’t live without me. We were crazy, passionately in love! Most of our marriage Brian worked so much it was almost like dating, though he was always available to me by two way radio and would drop everything at a moment’s notice if I needed him. We came together in the evening and spent weekends together. I called Brian The Best Husband in the Whole World, my girlfriends agreed. Making me happy was what made him happy. (that didn’t happen overnight) Brian spoiled me, no doubt about it. I was able to quit my job and stay home, which had been a dream of mine for a long time.

We did have our share of trials and sorrows with our parents and Sam; which literally drove us to our knees nightly. We became a force to be reckoned with.

We had a motto, don’t sweat the small stuff. We spent ten days every year together in the high sierras. We genuinely   enjoyed each other’s company. We also took weekend trips that were like honeymoons.

I used to joke that all Brian asked of me was clean clothes. Before his stroke I thought our relationship was out of balance, him giving more than me. Little did I know my turn to serve him was coming. I had my golden years early, and was then called back to service.

So, there is a little background on our relationship.

How fortunate I am to be a caregiver to someone who adores me and for the most part thinks I can do no wrong…. it’s ridiculous. My Brian would never ask me to do something for him that he could do for himself. This is good for me to recap, because as good as he is I still get crabby and feel put out at times.

Since Brian’s stroke we are together all day every day. It is a good thing we like each other. I can’t say it’s like we are dating anymore, there is not much room for mystique in our relationship. I do love and admire him more than ever.

  1. Ray, 17 May, 2015

    This I identify with the most. As a man I always wonder who will take care of me when the time comes. Will it be a relative, a home nurse, a special friend, someone I would chose or someone assigned to me? I am afraid I might not be involved in this choice and yet my last years will depend on that person. What is it about being talking care of at the end. It’s when we stop doing normal things for ourselves and someone else does them for us. It’s like they become an extension of us. I want the one taking care of me to have some love for me, some respect for where I have been, some encouragement to keep me going beyond what is expected of me, help me to go higher and higher, let my mind continue to be creative and to enjoy all the hugs and smiles as they come and go. When it is all over I am cared for yet another day and I am yet stronger for it. And should I not need a caretaker until Jesus comes then I will have the best life can ask. “I just want to hear I was faithful” Adrian is an example every man can dream of as a care taker but it must be in us to extend through and all over her our cherish thoughts for her sacrificial daily acts of love and service.

  2. Adrian, 19 May, 2015

    I hear your heart Ray, we all want to be known and loved. I am not one that has my old age care sewn up either. We do our due diligence and trust the Lord with the results. The comment you made about a caregiver becoming an extension of us has been very thought provoking for me. I am aware of my guys needs, but its easy to neglect their desires. Yesterday after reading your reply I took Brian to Home Depot, one of his happy places. After dinner I took my Dad for a walk. Thank you for your comments and oh so kind words.

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